Motherhood🌟

Wednesday, December 25, 2024 🎄

It’s been quite an interesting day on the farm. The picture above is from last year when mom stayed with us for a few days over Christmas. I knew it would be the last year with her so it was fun to spoil her with presents like she always did for me 🎁

I’ve been thinking a lot about her and editing some of her writing. I am learning to appreciate her in new ways as I gain clairity on who she really was, beyond the fixed image I held of her.

Mom never expected me to have children or pressured me to do so, even though she only had one grandchild. She didn’t seem defined by that in any way. I am grateful that she normalized my abnormal decision not to have children.

My sister always told me that if I wanted children than I would have one, which is reassuring and true. I always pursue my goals pretty steadily. And being a mother was never one of those goals.

Grandma Rambo would tell me that I need to have children to fully experience life. This could explain why she had seven children and literally countless grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I never understand why that wasn’t enough for her… why did she need me to pro-create? Maybe I am not called to motherhood… is that not allowed?

Ironically, a few years ago, I met a girl who had a set of divining rods and spoke to ghosts.👻

I asked her if Grandma Rambo, who has crossed over to the great beyond, still thinks I should have kids. She said “No” after corresponding with her ghostly communication tools. “Wow, Grandma… you’ve grown” I said.

Maybe the afterlife gave her a new perspective. Or maybe life was sending me an opportunity to release my own unwarranted guilt.

Today, I had time to do something that I never do… watch Netflix. I watched Martha, a documentary style movie about the life of Martha Stewart. She was openly honest about being miserable as a mom because of her career drive and it made me grateful that I never brought a child into this world because it was the “thing to do”. to validate my own worth. or to help me “fully experience life.”

I have traveled the world, lived in 11 states, and given birth to four degrees, four published books, and I have taken care of many fur-babies.

I admire the parents who enjoy the experience, and even the parents who seem miserable. You do you.👍

But I also want to speak out against any notion that you have to be a parent to fully enjoy life to the fullest. I am living an ethnography as I get to observe people (parents) in their habitat, while trying to make sense of it from an objective stance on the sideline.

I like my path for me and your path for you.🫶